Does Your Mama Know? : An Anthology of Black Lesbian Coming Out Stories

Review by Georgia Ann Banks-Martin

2nd Edition edited by Lisa C. Moore
RedBone Press, 2009

The True Self Discovered and The World Confronted

In 1996 Lisa C. Moore, the founder of Red Bone Press, published a collection of stories called Does Your Mama Know? : An Anthology of Black Lesbian Coming Out Stories. The stories that were told on those pages were remarkable not only for what was said, but because they gave shape and form to what many in the African-American community knew, however, wanted to keep hidden. No one wanted to admit to outsiders that black families were just as likely to produce gay children as white families.

As America expanded her awareness and acceptance of homosexuality it seemed that the African-American community grew more perplexed, more jaded. The years of denial had left many blacks with much more to learn about gay people than their white counterparts. Many African-American women didn’t know it was possible to be married to a man who was gay. Most thought that if a man was married, had children, and a successful career there was no possibility of him being homosexual. The same logic gave rise to the idea that a mother could not also be a lesbian. Therefore, Moore’s anthology was an important move forward for all people of African-American or black descent.

Unfortunately, thirteen years after the original publication of Does Your Mama Know? there are still young people, especially women, emerging from African-American homes without a sense of what it means to be a lesbian. As Moore points out in her introduction to the 2nd edition, “Black women have a rich oral history of lesbianism: Everybody knows of the bulldagger of the block that their mamas used to talk about.” However, most of these stories are intended to shame the lesbians rather than to empower them or the younger women of the community. The stories, poems and interviews that comprise Moore’s collection not only offer insight into the mindset of the African-American community, they make the issues faced by Lesbians of color feel much more personal than is possible in the rumors and folklore found on the streets.

For example, without going too far into the book we encounter perhaps the most important and primary source of rejection that black lesbians endure, the church. Regardless of ethnic background, most readers know enough about the Christian church to know that until very recently, homosexuality was counted amongst the greatest of sins. In many cases those who were thought or proven to be gay were forbidden from talking part, fully, in the life of the church, if not driven out of the church family completely. For many blacks this isolation means that there is little socially or spiritually that can be undertaken, because the church is so well integrated into the community. As Hope Massiah says in her story, “1985: Memories of My Coming Out Year”: “When I left the Church, I left my community behind me”. Thus Massiah, like the other woman represented in this collection, tells a story of falling in love, a story of seeking a new sense of community through attending women’s retreats, and becoming involved with the women’s movement.

This loss of community often means a strained or broken relationship with one’s mother. Terri Jewell’s mother says,

“As if wearing those thick glasses and cutting your hair down to the nub isn’t asking for

Tribulation, girl. Now you’re getting fatter and fatter. Don’t you care about how you

look? Don’t you have any pride in yourself?

Later she says to Terry, “I am so ashamed of you, I can’t mention your name to the women at work who are always talking about their daughters.”

Some gay women are raised by supportive families such as “Miss Ruth” who is ninety plus years old when she is interviewed by Terri Jewell. “Miss Ruth” was able to work, overcame racism and found enough freedom in Detroit to live openly with a woman she calls “Babe”. However, for most there are issues that seem almost insurmountable.

The stories in Does Your Mama Know? : An Anthology of Black Lesbian Coming Out Stories, are so well written that when we walk away from them it is impossible not to understand how remarkable it is to be born black, female, and lesbian. For being born black is still to be born into a world that is not fully ready to accept your arrival, and to arrive also being gay means you are truly an alien in your own land. This collection of coming out stories is important not only because it draws attention to the issues faced by lesbians of color, but because it highlights their struggle to be accepted as fully embodied human begins.

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