by Laura Cude
Ageing women: it conjures up symbology of a youth long gone, as well as the possibilities of approval and romance with it. In my mid teens when reading Sylvia Plath’s “Mirror” for the first time, I felt she described the realisation of being an old woman in a way in which I did not ever want to succumb to. The image of a young girl’s reflection turning into that of an old woman, rising “towards her day after day, like a terrible fish” made me panic about my ageing face and body before I had even hit my twenties.
During adolescence, I thought I could spot the surfacing of varicose veins and identify the beginnings of wrinkles around my eyes and mouth. Cosmetic surgery has resolved these fears for a lot of people, but it’s something which I don’t consider as an option, if only through stubbornness from not wanting to admit I’m not good enough by an imposed standard. For it isn’t always, if ever, a question of one’s perception of self. Rather it’s how people react to a woman’s physicality in society, and this judgement becomes more scathing as a woman ages.
In the UK, it is currently a trend for shows to be fronted by a male and female with the latter always being significantly younger, and more attractive, than their male colleague. The female presenters have a full pout, thick lustrous hair with cleavage on show, whilst the man standing next to them gets away with smutty jokes at their expense and greying hair.
An insipid attempt at a consolation for this ageism by the media came in the form of the Cougar phenomenon: championing older women who, by following beauty trends of poker straight hair and a size six – eight figure, “are still sexy,” and can attract younger men. The cougar seems to be a progression from the MILF labelling, which stands for Mum I‘d Like to… (insert four letter ‘F‘ word here). This MILF label is used by young men, sometimes boys, who find an older woman attractive. They don’t even need to be mums, just old enough to look like they could be a mother. The use of the label, and the approval and laughter it usually receives in response, suggests that it is unusual to find women of this age attractive, therefore they must be given a name as if they are a rarity. The MILF is the prey of the younger man, in a Mrs. Robinson type fantasy. The cougar however is portrayed as a predator. She is a woman who preys on younger men, and can get them, because she can carry the look that her younger rivals are sporting, but with a wealth of experience behind her, thus living up to fantasies of domination and sexual prowess.
The older woman has found a way to be viewed as attractive, which would lead some to conclude that we no longer put women in the bargain bin once they’ve reached the “wrong side” of middle age. But this has only been achieved through the MILF and cougar labels which are once again dependent on men’s approval of us.
I have been chastised by male acquaintances of my own age who tell me they’re only interested in the “mature” woman as they “know what they’re doing,” (although their experience of being with an older woman is undoubtedly debatable). It’s as though young women are to serve the aesthetic needs of the older men of our society, whilst middle aged women are to fulfill the expectations and fantasies of the male youth.
If you discount the changing of aesthetics in ageing, the thought of getting older actually excites me, as during youth, you’re poor, insecure, and have a heap of important decisions to make which will change the outcome of the rest of your life. By the time you reach thirty, you should have a bit of money, a room of one’s own and if you’re lucky, doing something which you find fulfilling. When I put it like that, I don’t fear ageing. Instead, I fear that in spite of my better judgement, I will be repulsed by the terrible fish staring back at me, rather than accept it for what it is: the marks of experience.
Laura Cude is twenty-one years old and from a dead beat town called Leatherhead which is located in Old Blighty. She left Kingston College last year with three A grade A levels, and three university acceptances. She turned them all down in favour of practical work experience, which is what bought her to Her Circle originally as a blog coordinator for The Writer’s Life, and now as the writer of inContext. She is a music enthusiast and keen writer, using song composition and screenplays as her weapons of choice. Combining her interests in feminism, existentialism and pop culture, she aims to make inContext a revealing and energetic exploration of the politics in feminist literature and the 21st century.
Laura Cude
Laura Cude is twenty one years old and from a dead beat town called Leatherhead which is located in Old Blighty. She left Kingston College last year with three A grade A levels, and three university acceptances. She turned them all down in favour of practical work experience, which is what brought her to Her Circle originally as a blog coordinator for The Writer’s Life blog, and now as the writer of inContext. She is a music enthusiast and keen writer, using song composition and screenplays as her weapons of choice. Combining her interests in feminism, existentialism and pop culture, she aims to make inContext a revealing and energetic exploration of the politics in feminist literature and the 21st century.
Fascinating post. I love your articulate writing style and look forward to reading more.