The Problem with Perfection

by Melissa Corliss DeLorenzo

excellent I think I have a problem with perfection. Not with everything I do. I am happy enough to bung together supper, basically following a recipe. My house is clean but would probably not pass the white glove test. It’s “dirty-clean” as my grandmother would say. And I typically lose the everyday battle with my adversary, clutter. (As you may have guessed, my grandmother’s house is never dirty-clean and would, in fact, pass the white glove test. And she is eighty-six.) I go out in public with kids with mostly clean faces. But when it comes to my creative work, I have zero tolerance for anything but perfection. If it’s craft or art work, I will redo a part of a project, sometimes starting over entirely, because of a perceived imperfection, no matter how small. It will just wear on me, slowly, like a little splinter or something abrasive rubbing up against my skin, and I simply can’t stand it.

What this means for my creative fiction is that it seems never to be done. Neither short pieces, nor novels. A friend of mine with whom I share work, once said to me, “When are you going to start submitting work for publication?” And I said the problem was that nothing was done. He said, “When will you think it’s done?” He is smart and well-read and a really great writer. I respect him. It made me think, what does done mean? And I think it means perfect.

And yet I’m not even sure what the word “perfect” means to me. When is a thing perfect?

When my five year old son gets frustrated because his drawing of whatever doesn’t look whatever-ish enough to him, he usually says he’s upset because it’s not perfect. And I tell him there is no such thing as perfect. I believe this, but only for other people, apparently. I don’t want my kids chasing this thing called “perfect” because, it truly is a ghost. The other day, as my son worked on a drawing of a snowman that wasn’t coming out as he hoped, he got mad and he said, “Oops, I almost said it wasn’t perfect.” As though it were a four letter word.

And it occurred to me that “perfect” is a four letter word.

2010 has been an interesting year for me. My kids are getting just a little bit easier to care for—their demands on me are still great, but not all-consuming. I have written more this year than I have since graduate school. I started writing for Her Circle Ezine and have learned a great deal and produced a lot and received good feedback. I have begun to make contacts. And, amazingly, my ideas of perfection have been greatly challenged. When committed to provide a certain amount of content, there is not enough time to deliberate—I have learned to place a little more trust in the process. Which is not to say I don’t try to do my best work here. I just don’t have the time to agonize over every word. I have learned to write better, faster. And I realize that I like what I’m writing.

Naropa University, where I attended graduate school, possesses a very contemplative stance and one thing I learned is the Zen concept, First Thought, Best Thought. The idea of Beginner’s Mind. It’s like when you go to a restaurant—order the first thing that grabs you, because it’s what you really want. Don’t over-think it. Your first thoughts, your first ideas, are probably the best. The thing that emerges from the most authentic place.

It’s time for me to stop agonizing and start submitting, which is what 2011 is going to be all about. There is no such thing as perfect and there is a lot of work to share.

Check in on The Writer’s Life as I share my experience of submitting work.

Is it difficult for your to finish work?
What are your thoughts on perfection?

Melissa Corliss DeLorenzo is a writer, reader, yogini (when she can squeeze it in), mom, part-time Office Manager, a homemaker and the Coordinator and Writer for The Writer’s Life blog. She loves to cook and take long walks with her kids and is a woman who wants to meaningfully exchange and intersect with other women writers. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in English Literature from the University of Massachusetts and a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado. Currently she works at a web development company (because part-time Office Manager buys more groceries than Struggling Writer). She is at work on a novel and a short story collection. Melissa lives in North Central Massachusetts with her family.