Guest blogger, Holly Tucker
Photo: John B. Breinig
Parenting is a balancing act. Yes, I know how cliché that is. But balancing writing with parenting is probably one of the hardest challenges I’ve had to face—especially as I was in the last push to finish my latest book, Blood Work.
Blood Work: A Tale of Medicine and Murder in the Scientific Revolution is a nonfiction murder mystery set in seventeenth-century France and England. The story centers around a court case related to the first blood transfusions which were animal-to-human. These early transfusions were performed 150 years before anesthesia and antisepsis—and a full 200 years before the discovery of blood types. (Seriously, this is nonfiction! I couldn’t begin to make this story up.)
The first challenge of parenting while writing a book like this is that my young daughter learned to cringe when walking into my study. Books and photocopies were always strewn across my desk: images of centuries-old surgical tools and illustrations of anatomical drawings. I often could not flip the documents over fast enough to hide them from her, which means she is either going to grow up to be a doctor or that I’ll be paying for therapy bills for a very long time.
A second challenge was finding a way to find the time and space to write this book—to reach my goals—while also making sure that there was plenty of time for my daughter. I was heartbroken at one point in the process when she asked earnestly: “Mommy, do you love me as much as you love your book?”
The words that tumbled out of my mouth after that were never so true. “Honey,” I explained. “As your mommy, I cannot imagine loving anyone or anything as much I do you.” She smiled. “But I’m also Holly. And this book is something that means a lot to me. I would be forever disappointed in myself—in Holly—if I didn’t finish it and if I didn’t do the very best job I could.”
She really did seem to understand this. I hugged her and whispered that as both Mommy and Holly, all I wanted to be able to do was to be an example for her…so that one day, if she decides to have a family, she will never forget that she doesn’t have to give up her dreams. She can do both.
A few weeks ago, I gave my very first talk about the book at a program held at our local public library. Over 350 people were there. I was understandably nervous when I walked up to the podium. But when I looked out into the sea of faces, I saw my daughter’s. Sitting next to my husband, she was absolutely beaming. He was too.
That night, as I tucked her in, she held me tight. “Mommy, I am so so so so so proud of you.” I don’t think sweeter words have ever been heard.
A friend send later sent this wonderful picture, which captures it all for me. I am a wife, a mother…and an author. Each enriches the others in my life. I am so grateful that I do not have to choose from my many loves. And I am so glad that my daughter knows—and has seen first-hand—that neither will she.
Holly Tucker is author of Blood Work: A Tale of Medicine & Murder in the Scientific Revolution. She is sending signed bookplates to anyone who purchases Blood Work online or through their favorite independent bookstore (while supplies last). Just send along your mailing address through the contact form on her site.
Congratulations to Patsy, our BOOK GIVEAWAY winner! Thanks to all who read and commented!
Want to write for The Writer’s Life blog? Drop us an email at thewriterslife@hercircleezine.com
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Great article and I look forward to reading the book…my next stop is my local library’s website to see if they have it available.
What you have to say here is so important! The fact that you verbalized all of that to your daughter has likely begun something for future generations so that our grand-daughters and their grand-daughters will feel the power of your words. No one will “know” it was you who verbalized a woman’s need and desire to be someone herself in addition to her role as mother. However, the reverberations will echo out into the world and society.
As someone who could not imagine anything for herself before taking on the roles of wife and mother, due to the generation in which I was raised, your words are ever so important. I had to find myself, who “Kate” is, while being a wife and mother. This has been incredibly hard and difficult. It took me years to go back and finish my college degree and to then tackle graduate school. I was afraid I’d end up one of those divorce statistics. And, my roles of wife and mother were important enough that I did not want to sacrifice them for the other titles or roles I might assume: student, scholar, researcher, writer, artist, teacher.
Rather than therapy, it might just be that your daughter provides therapy to others who do not have mothers who are also human beings with feelings, selves and goals outside of their roles as mother.
Thanks for something so wonderful!
For a little information about this kind of thing, combining a life in the arts with motherhood, check out the film by Pamela Bowles, “Who Does She Think She Is?” I think your husband and daughter might both like the film along with you. It certainly contributes to the conversation you continue with your submission to this section of HerCircle.
I love seventeenth-century novels and anything to do with medical history.
Sounds like you are doing a great job balancing. What a good answer to your daughter’s question!